![]() ![]() Yeah I know, I’ve heard that story a thousand times already. The story of Fez ends with her losing her job for all of the local bar fights she got in and having to move back to Rhode Island. (Scotch tape, is there anything you can’t remove or put back together besides my childhood?) Once she drops her drawers and I have only scotch tape to tear it off, I’m fucked! At best I’ll be mistaken for the guy who is there to wax her vagina. Girls who look like that don’t notice guys who look like me. I knew seeing her this way that she was unattainable. Tight pants, a tight shirt, gum snapping in her mouth like a gay cowboy chews jerky–she was everything I hate yet lust over. Outside of that pasty birthmark colored uniform she wears, Fez was a lot better looking. Let’s do it!įez’s most lasting image in my head will be that of when I saw her in street clothes. I still hope he gets shipped out again for my own selfish purposes. Of course after we found this, jokes about how he wouldn’t be able to have sex with her because the loud snapping sound of his balls smacking thighs would remind him of a Gatling Gun and cause him to duck and cover due to his Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, followed. Our bartender said she set them up together after Fez asked about Stretch Armstrong. (I once broke my leg during a game of 2nd grade Hang Tough. Marines and terrorists are the only people who actually enjoy monkey bars. They hurt my sensitive hands and the second time I broke my leg involved falling off them. Oh and the fact that she was dating an ex-marine. Too bad our muscles and million dollar smiles were too much for Fez to work up the courage to talk to us. Then they decided both of us must be so incredibly large and that it didn’t matter. ![]() Wondering which one of us was hung better. What were they doing in that backroom? Probably gossiping about us. Nathan, and got in trouble for slacking off. She went with her friend in the backroom, Dr. ![]() My friend and I insisted that she was looking at us. Really, in another circumstance, like her finding me attractive, we were made for each other. Rounding up to the closest minute of course. Another time she stood close to me for 3 whole minutes. Many times I was tempted to run up and pull it out, you know, to be flirtatious. She was tall, thin, small-faced, dawning a ponytail, and had a red napkin hanging out of the side of her pants like a flag football player. The first time I encountered Fez was around November. (Fez wearing a fez back before he was an outted homosexual…yeah) I’m not sure what a crooner is or why they must wear this hat. ![]() Fez of course also being one of those tiny little red hats with the string that crooners wear. She was named after recently ousted homosexual, nature boy, and radio personality Fez Whatley whose real name isn’t even Fez. I forget how my friend and I came up with it. Girls are annoying while in groups and drinking. But not as annoying as the poor women my girlfriend had been going around slapping while they enjoyed “Girl’s Night Out.” I think I could kill a guy and nobody I work with would be none the wiser. You work a job and everyone finds out that you suplex women off of bar stools in your spare time. Her reputation became that of an angry drunk in bar fights. She had to go blowing it by getting into bar fights of her own nearly every night when she wasn’t at work. That wasn’t enough for this greedy waitress. She had achieved the goal of every child. This particular girlfriend of mine was a waitress at a hotel bar. That’s why during her return home to Rhode Island, I hope she gets mugged in Connecticut. She never knew that she was my girlfriend. It has come to my attention that one of my girlfriends has retired and returned home. Querying Major Sports Websites: I Have No Advice on This /1/que… 7 years ago My Twitter Lists You Should Subscribe To /5/my-… 7 years ago Making Money with Your Own Website /6/mak… 7 years ago Can't remember my other Twitter login in fo 6 years ago
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